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2004-03-29, 1:10 p.m.

OK, I know I haven't updated in a long time, because I was doing the livejournal thing for a while, and then I just wasn't doing anything (depression), but I need to vent in a place where no one really knows me. I am so confused about my life right now. I am seeking commitment from so many people, and no one will do it.

First, there are my drama students - every day there is one with something going on that they can't be at practice, and they're not learning their lines, and it's less than 3 weeks to performance. I buy them candy as encouragement to learn their lines, I give them my time, my attention, and we are not getting anywhere. I am so frustrated.

And the bf. That is just screwed. We've almost broken up so many times in the past couple of weeks. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks and I probably won't see him until my birthday, April 9. He is not making an effort to come and visit me, and I am just wondering, "What is the point?" We never see each other or talk to each other, so what is the point of staying together. Yes, we're "in love," but is that enough? It takes commitment, as well, and he is just not giving that to me. I think I am moving back for the summer, so I'll probably just wait and see what happens, but I am so unhappy and lonely right now. I can't help but wonder if I'm wasting the best years of my life, waiting around for him. Gah!

Weight 157. Not getting anywhere. Need to work out more. MOREMOREMORE! I have so much to do. Need to get obssessed and stay obssessed. Like before. Like before. Have to get to 118 where I was before.

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