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2004-05-20, 7:24 a.m.

OK, I'm just going to write this to vent and clear my head. OK, bf thing has been kind of on the rocks lately. Yes, we are 3.5 hours apart and he moved into a new house with 2 boys, which I don't completely approve of. Now his best girl friend from high school (the one he had feelings for) has moved back to town and it seems like they're hanging out quite a bit. Now, the green eyed monster is devouring me up inside. Last weekend I was there for a party, so everyone was drinking, and my thought processes were probably not working that well (and I've been so emotional this... lifetime), and it just seemed like he spent the whole time talking to her and almost flirting with her. So I thought about how to deal with the situation, and instead of getting all pissed off, which would have turned everyone off, I just acted super lovey dovey to him and sat on his lap and stuff in front of her. I don't want to make this girl an enemy, because I'm not so sure I would win in this case. She is there, and I am not, and who am I to say who he can hang out with? Jealousy is such a useless emotion, and it's only gotten me into trouble in the past. Unless he does something bad, I should not be angry about this, right? The stuff I have a right to be angry about is him not calling me and wanting to spend time with me. But what can I do about that, besides tell him? And then he feels guilty, but he says he has a "life to live." Jesus. Why don't I?

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