Here I Go
2004-01-04, 1:24 p.m.

I am back in Denison. Small town, Iowa. I cried and cried as I was driving back yesterday. 2 weeks in my hometown, with my family, friends, my boyfriend, an awesome rec center, and then I had to leave. It was just too much. Luckily, my outlook has improved since then. John said to me as I was leaving: "You have to do this, for your job." And he was right. I need to be here for my job, these kids, and I am going to do a damn good job of it.

And I am going to get my life back on track. Fitness-wise, finance-wise, cleaning-wise, etc. Since I am alone here in Denison, I will use this absence of distractions to focus on what's important: weight loss, school, writing. I am off to a good start, so far. Last night for dinner I had a can of baked beans, which is not so great, but I didn't want to go out shopping yet, so that's the best I could do. I haven't eaten yet today, but I HAVE run 4 miles, lifted some weights, and planned what I'm going to teach in my classes tomorrow. I also cleaned my apartment and put away all of the clothes that I never wear. Including my too-small clothes, but I know that I will be getting them back out again soon. For inspiration, I hung my favorite pair of Calvin Kleins and my favorite going-out shirt (both of which I can't fit into) on my wall so I can look at them whenever I need to feel some focus.

I need to plan. I'm going to go home, take a shower, and make a list of all of the foods I will need to make me successful. These will mostly be fruits, veggies, and chicken, but there are some other safe foods on my list as well. I will also buy healthy snacks to keep at school so the vending machines will not sabotage me. I will pack my workout clothes every morning to bring to school so I can workout after school. I will not eat lunch in the teacher's lounge, but eat alone in my classroom so I will not be tempted by the cafeteria's fat-laden crap. And I will keep up my journal and post on the thin page to help me keep focused.

I will go check some other diaries now... I hope everyone is doing well and staying focused.

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