skinny
2004-01-26, 2:45 p.m.

OK, so this weekend was a flop, diet-wise. Isn't it always? I mean, who am I kidding, when I do so well during the week, dieting and running, when I just screw it all up Thursday night by drinking and then carry that on until Sunday? I drink, lose my willpower, and eat whatever I want. So 156 this morning.

I went to CR this weekend to visit John. On Friday night we went to dinner with two other couples, and had a good time. We ended up going to this bar that was supposed to have a drag show, but it was a gay bar and the boys got all uncomfortable, so we had to leave.

On Saturday we went to the Butterfly Effect (which was upsetting, but kind of good). Ashton Kucher almost acted! We also worked out (I did so pretty half-heartedly), and I went out for a drink with my skinny friend, Megan. She is the girl that I ALWAYS get into it about weight with. We drink beer or margaritas and talk about technique, numbers, exercise, etc. So she really looks great - not as thin as she did when I ran the Shamrock Shuffle last year (she says she was about 117), but pretty good, like 130. She says none of her clothes will fit her now, and she's freaking out. She eats 800 calories a day. I can't believe this! There are tons of people on TF (including me, even on healthy days) that eat more than that. If this isn't an eating disorder, what is? Of course, I always knew she had an eating disorder, and she's always known that I have one, so this is really no surprise at all. But very triggering. Like I might have to cut my calorie intake, big time. And up the exercising.

The only thing is, it's blizzardy snowing outside!!! When I was driving the 3.5 hours back here Sunday night, I feared for my life! I was actually praying out loud, saying the "Our Father" over and over again as I plowed my way home. Finally, I made it safely, and when I got into my apartment, this light that I have never turned on in my life (over the sink) was on. Now, I know for a fact that I didn't turn on, or leave on, that light before I left. Which means one of a couple of things. A)My landlord came by for some reason, and saw my messy, piggy apartment (complete with ILLEGAL hamster and godforsaken mess in the kitchen), the only other person who knows my combination - Pat- came by to creepily hang out in my apartment when I wasn't there, or some psycho stranger came by, touched nothing but the light above the sink, just to mess with me. So I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I've got a little different perspective today - I figure it was just my landlord, but I don't feel like calling him and asking if it was him. Oh, well.

School was cancelled today, so I've been watching the second season of the Sopranos all day. I just came to school to set up my plans for tomorrow, and then I'll swing by the grocery store and try to get some quarters to do my laundry, which I neglected to do this weekend.

I think I'm going to try to quit drinking so much. I think I'm depressed.

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